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Letters to Our Children: I’m Sorry We Didn’t Give You a Sibling

This month’s Letters To Our Children focuses on the twinge of mommy guilt I felt this week. Every month, I team up with parenting bloggers, led by LaShawn Wiltz of Everyday Eye Candy.

I shared my emotional moment on the Mommy Talk Show Facebook page where plenty of other parents of only children could identify:

HONEST MOMMY MOMENT:Today I felt (a bit) guilty for A.J.’s only child status. He was home sick and desperately wanted…

Posted by Mommy Talk Show Hosted By TV Mom Joyce Brewer on Tuesday, February 16, 2016

 

My momentary regret inspired this latest letter to A.J., our one and only child.

Letters to Our Children

Dear A.J.,

I’m so happy you are feeling better. Your asthma was really rough this week. I’ve never seen you so uncomfortable while you tried to breathe. I wish I could have taken all that pain away as I held you in the doctor’s office.  Oh yeah, we need to go back to the doctor on Friday for a follow-up appointment.

Once we got home from the pediatrician and you stayed home from school Tuesday, you seemed really bored.

Dada needed to rest before he went to work.

Momma needed to work on her blog and writing.

You needed more of our attention.

You needed someone to play board games with, like Chutes and Ladders.

You needed a friend, but they were all in school.

I started to think…you needed a brother or sister.

Didn't Give You A Sibling

 

You do so well when you’re reading your Ripley’s Believe It or Not Book on the living room floor, but even that can get lonely.

Mama is 42 and too old to have a baby. You like to remind me of my age about once a week. But you may not know of the risks of Mama having a baby at her age. Dada and I decided that our family will stay at just the three of us.

Someone online told me that I was being too optimistic about the joys of having siblings, because her children fight a lot. I remember fighting with my brother and sisters. But you know what we did when we weren’t fighting?

We shoveled snow together. Played games together. Rode bikes together. Went to camp together. We did everything together, until they went to college and I was the only child left at home.

I think you would be a great big brother. You had so much fun holding your baby cousin at Christmas time. You wished we would bring her home and offered to help feed her. If only it was so easy.

Although we can’t give you a brother or sister, I promise one day we’ll get a dog or two.

I’m going to stop feeling guilty now. Remember that your Dada is an only child.  I see how it’s made him more independent and self-sufficient. He’s lived half of his life away from his parents and grandma.

You have friends from school, church and our neighborhood who love to play with you.

If you ever feel like you want a baby brother or baby sister, we’re sorry.

Love,  Mama

There are more moving letters to our children to read this month. Head on over to OK Dani to explore her letter to her little ones. Be sure to follow the circle all the way around to enjoy all our of content.

About Joyce Brewer

Creator & Host of Mommy Talk Show. Emmy award-winning TV journalist.Wife & Mommy; Mom Blogger; Social Media Coach; Long Island, New York transplant living in Atlanta, GA. Follow Joyce on Twitter @MommyTalkShow Author of Use What You Know: A Business Idea Guide for Moms featuring interviews with mompreneurs who created businesses using their skills & backgrounds.

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10 comments

  1. Girl I feel this same guilt often and have prayed to be blessed with another biological child. Devin has actually cried about wanting a sister baby as he says or says he wishes his brothers weren’t in heaven or that he could go play with them there. It’s hard, and my heart aches for him when he comes to me sad and full of envy when he is playing with friends who are siblings and he feels like they are leaving him out cause he isn’t their brother.

    When we are home we are his main friends which keeps us young cause we are always crawling, jumping,and hiding things along with playing make pretend and children’s board games.

    With Devin being an only child I am sure I will be the host of many many play dates and spend the nights. But I am happy to do anything to enrich my child’s enjoyment of life

  2. Girl I feel this same guilt often and have prayed to be blessed with another biological child. (Not that adoption is out of the question, although I wish I would have done it earlier). Devin has actually cried about wanting a sister baby as he says or says he wishes his brothers weren’t in heaven or that he could go play with them there. It’s hard, and my heart aches for him when he comes to me sad and full of envy when he is playing with friends who are siblings and he feels like they are leaving him out cause he isn’t their brother.

    When we are home we are his main friends which keeps us young cause we are always crawling, jumping,and hiding things along with playing make pretend and children’s board games.

    With Devin being an only child I am sure I will be the host of many many play dates and spend the nights. But I am happy to do anything to enrich my child’s enjoyment of life

  3. Girl. I feel so guilty sometimes. And that often leads me to overindulge or do so much extra trying to make up for it. But, I think a dog( or 2) is in our future too!

  4. I struggle with this guilt and grasping at time so I completely understand your heart in this. But just like Lashawn said, after the kitchen reno we’re getting a dog.

  5. I feel guilt as well, for the opposite reasons. I know there are many benefits to siblings but I long to give my kids more one on one time. Feels like I spend most of my time bustling through chores and homework and it is hard to connect as much individually as I wish I could. There is always something to feel guilty about! Your adorable boy will know love and that is enough.

    • Exactly, Brandi.
      I think whatever we decide we feel badly about.
      Maybe when he’s older we’ll adopt. But for now, no more babies.

  6. Well, you don’t necessarily have to adopt an infant. 🙂 I’ve been blown away by the bond between our older adopted daughter and our 6 year old. He adores her in a special way that is totally different from how he relates to his older biological brothers. We have friends who have foster-adopted and have ended up with 3 and 2 year olds. I’m five years older than you and don’t have the stamina to parent an infant again, no matter how much my little guy begs for us to “get a baby”….but we’re considering fostering when our oldest leaves home. On the flip side, I have a good friend who has always said that she just knew that God’s plan for her son was for him to be an only child…and she never expressed any ambivalence over that. Anyway…I hope AJ feels better soon.

  7. Such a touching letter Joyce. I will say that having siblings close in age they keep each other entertained, but boy do they fight! I think what would be great is getting AJ a pet. Pets make great companions and help to learn responsibility.

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