The Power in Asking: “Can We Start Over?”

As I grow into my 40’s,  one of the things I’m working on is becoming more forgiving. I struggle with letting issues go. A Facebook friend recently posted an image that showed how forgiving you are based on your astrological sign. In true Leo form, I don’t ever forget being wronged by a friend which is partly why in the last year, I’ve had a few friendships fall apart. All contact and connections ended. It led me to write the Over 40 Friendship Prayer regarding those relationships and any new ones I encounter. But holding a grudge can be exhausting. So follow me for a moment to explore the power in asking, “Can we start over?” when your relationships hit a roadblock.

Can We Start Over?

When I took a marriage class at a neighborhood church, we studied ways to understand your spouse with a focus on Emerson Eggerichs and his book Love and Respect. It’s the first time I heard the term, the “Crazy Cycle.”  Eggerichs describes the “Crazy Cycle”  as the non-stop conflict or tension in a relationship that spins out of control. For my husband and I,  the “Crazy Cycle” starts when one of us misinterprets a question or action, then we don’t communicate with each other for an hour or a whole day. It always resolves itself when one person decides to let it go and move on. But when I look back at that lost time, it saddens me.

But conflict is usually a standoff. Who will make the first move? Who will admit they’re wrong? Is making the first move a sign of weakness or a sign of strength?

Watch: Emerson Eggerich on “The Crazy Cycle”

With children you may need to ask for a “do over” as well. I’ve had frustrating mornings with A.J. when he didn’t listen to directions well, then I got short and impatient with him. In order to move past the tension, you have to set the reset button. With A.J., he is so incredibly forgiving that it’s easy to move on.

There’s something e;se to consider when you ask someone you’re in conflict with – “Can we start over?” They may say no. They may hold on to their resentment. They may challenge you to right a wrong. To be forgiven, you must forgive.

I’d love for you to follow me each Monday for #FiguringOut40 for topics like, “How to Be 40 and Fearless,”  and “How to Get Pregnant Over 40: Celebrity Moms Who Made It Look Easy.”