The Power in Asking: “Can We Start Over?”

The Power in Asking: "Can We Start Over?" by mid-life TV Mom ~

As I grow into my 40’s,  one of the things I’m working on is becoming more forgiving. I struggle with letting issues go. A Facebook friend recently posted an image that showed how forgiving you are based on your astrological sign. In true Leo form, I don’t ever forget being wronged by a friend which is partly why in the last year, I’ve had a few friendships fall apart. All contact and connections ended. It led me to write the Over 40 Friendship Prayer regarding those relationships and any new ones I encounter. But holding a grudge can be exhausting. So follow me for a moment to explore the power in asking, “Can we start over?” when your relationships hit a roadblock.

Can We Start Over?

When I took a marriage class at a neighborhood church, we studied ways to understand your spouse with a focus on Emerson Eggerichs and his book Love and Respect. It’s the first time I heard the term, the “Crazy Cycle.”  Eggerichs describes the “Crazy Cycle”  as the non-stop conflict or tension in a relationship that spins out of control. For my husband and I,  the “Crazy Cycle” starts when one of us misinterprets a question or action, then we don’t communicate with each other for an hour or a whole day. It always resolves itself when one person decides to let it go and move on. But when I look back at that lost time, it saddens me.Love and Respect Emerson Eggerichs

But conflict is usually a standoff. Who will make the first move? Who will admit they’re wrong? Is making the first move a sign of weakness or a sign of strength?

Watch: Emerson Eggerich on “The Crazy Cycle”

With children you may need to ask for a “do over” as well. I’ve had frustrating mornings with A.J. when he didn’t listen to directions well, then I got short and impatient with him. In order to move past the tension, you have to set the reset button. With A.J., he is so incredibly forgiving that it’s easy to move on.

There’s something e;se to consider when you ask someone you’re in conflict with – “Can we start over?” They may say no. They may hold on to their resentment. They may challenge you to right a wrong. To be forgiven, you must forgive.

I’d love for you to follow me each Monday for #FiguringOut40 for topics like, “How to Be 40 and Fearless,”  and “How to Get Pregnant Over 40: Celebrity Moms Who Made It Look Easy.”

How to Get Pregnant Over 40

About Joyce Brewer

Creator & Host of Mommy Talk Show. Emmy award-winning TV journalist.Wife & Mommy; Mom Blogger; Social Media Coach; Long Island, New York transplant living in Atlanta, GA. Follow Joyce on Twitter @MommyTalkShow Author of Use What You Know: A Business Idea Guide for Moms featuring interviews with mompreneurs who created businesses using their skills & backgrounds.

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  1. I struggle with forgiveness. It’s something I work on daily. “Can we start over” is someting I don’t consider at the end of a relationship. Normally something has to be way out here for me to terminate the relationship. I’m a once I’m done I’m done person.

  2. I believe in starting over with folks. Of course, our relationship might be different than it was, but it’s usually fine!

  3. I like the idea of having a do over for relationships. Sometimes things cannot be repaired, but they can be started over.

  4. I really enjoyed this post! I love a do over, especially having being the one who may need it at times! I do think do overs are necessary. People grow and change and it’s only fair to let them have a second chance.