As I grow into my 40’s, one of the things I’m working on is becoming more forgiving. I struggle with letting issues go. A Facebook friend recently posted an image that showed how forgiving you are based on your astrological sign. In true Leo form, I don’t ever forget being wronged by a friend which is partly why in the last year, I’ve had a few friendships fall apart. All contact and connections ended. It led me to write the Over 40 Friendship Prayer regarding those relationships and any new ones I encounter. But holding a grudge can be exhausting. So follow me for a moment to explore the power in asking, “Can we start over?” when your relationships hit a roadblock.
Can We Start Over?
When I took a marriage class at a neighborhood church, we studied ways to understand your spouse with a focus on Emerson Eggerichs and his book Love and Respect. It’s the first time I heard the term, the “Crazy Cycle.” Eggerichs describes the “Crazy Cycle” as the non-stop conflict or tension in a relationship that spins out of control. For my husband and I, the “Crazy Cycle” starts when one of us misinterprets a question or action, then we don’t communicate with each other for an hour or a whole day. It always resolves itself when one person decides to let it go and move on. But when I look back at that lost time, it saddens me.
But conflict is usually a standoff. Who will make the first move? Who will admit they’re wrong? Is making the first move a sign of weakness or a sign of strength?
Watch: Emerson Eggerich on “The Crazy Cycle”
There’s something e;se to consider when you ask someone you’re in conflict with – “Can we start over?” They may say no. They may hold on to their resentment. They may challenge you to right a wrong. To be forgiven, you must forgive.
I’d love for you to follow me each Monday for #FiguringOut40 for topics like, “How to Be 40 and Fearless,” and “How to Get Pregnant Over 40: Celebrity Moms Who Made It Look Easy.”