Mommy Talk Show Candid Conversation with a TV Mom
I’m delighted to join a team of moms who are sharing our real-life stories. We are members of #NakedMoms, “Revealing the truth about motherhood.” Don’t get any sexy ideas. We’re all keeping our clothes on! It’s the honest, open and emotionally “naked” conversations that we’ll have that sparked the hashtag. Here’s my take on “Motherhood: The Sacrifices No One Tells You, But You Need to Know.” Pin, tweet or share this on Facebook with a new mom who needs a laugh!
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What have you given up since becoming a mom? Join #NakedMoms for honest talk: http://t.co/uE6cisPQHQ via @MommyTalkShow
— Joyce Brewer (@MommyTalkShow) January 14, 2014
You Give Up Sleep. My child thinks “sleep is for suckers.” Even though he’s about to turn 4, he’s been getting up in the middle of the night to play with the toys he got for Christmas. Mix that with the fact that he occasionally gives up his afternoon nap and there are two adult zombies in our household. On weekends, my husband and I trade off catching up on naps. I only really rest when I’m out of town by myself like the #FiguringOut40LA to Los Angeles that I took for my 40th birthday. One of my biggest parenting regrets is not reading any books about sleep training. So buy some! Take a class. Interrogate your pediatrician. The whole sleeping like a baby thing is one of the biggest cliches out there! You Give Up (for or about) Baby #2 As soon as you have baby #1, people start asking you about baby #2. I’ve had to defend our decision to be “one and done” or “robbing” our son of siblings. Oh well. Kids are not cheap. When I get a sad, sympathetic face from a stranger that seems to say “oh, you can’t have just one child,” I ask for a donation to my family’s foundation. That shuts down the invasive interrogator who makes me think “Stay out of my uterus!” Our son was born 9 1/2 months after our wedding. We are still recovering from the shock of parenthood in a lot of ways. There are times I feel the urge to have another baby, then I remember that I’m already surviving on very little sleep with an almost 4 year old. To completely let go of the hope of having another baby, I’m selling A.J.’s old Graco Pack N Play with napper, bassinet and changer. A stroller is for sale. Next are my maternity clothes, but I like having them around for my bloated days when I feel like I can’t fit anything else. You Give Up Last Minute Dates Pre-baby my husband and I went out to dinner every single weekend. 
Post-baby, we turned into “those” people who are very selective about the people we leave our child with. A babysitter can easily cost you $50 just to get out the door. My cheap fiscally responsible husband can think of a million other uses for that money, so we stay in more than I’d like. When we do go out, it’s like coordinating a space shuttle launch. Will the sitter just watch A.J. sleep? What snacks will we leave in case he gets hungry? Is the sitter aware of all of his allergies? Has the sitter had dinner or do we need to order something? If we drop A.J. off at a friend’s house, will traffic or delays make us get home way past bed time? Don’t get me wrong. You can still date after baby and marriage. It’s just a lot more work and pretty expensive. You Give Up (Some) Close Friends Friendships change post-motherhood. The sooner you grasp that, the better. Here I am at 40 with tons of real life friends, thousands of followers on social media but a handful of close friends. I mean the close friends you can call any time just to vent or listen. I asked the fans on the Mommy Talk Show Facebook page about this and they agreed it’s hard as hell to find real friends once you reach 35.
Once you become a mom, the word busy is an understatement, whether you stay at home or work outside the home.
I admit – I’m not the best at keeping in touch with my single, child-free friends either. I’d like to do a better job in 2014 and have been talking to one of my friends from grad school about meeting in NY for a girls weekend.
I’ve also created a bad habit of waiting until I’m so stressed out and need to get out of the house, that I call friends at the last minute to escape go out or meet for coffee.
Comment below: What have you given up as a mom? Does it make you miss your single, child-free days? How do you carve out time for yourself?
#NakedMoms
Read the rest of the #NakedMoms and their honesty:
To Be a Better Mom You Have to Give Up by Steph at Confessions of A Stay-At-Home Mom
I Am A Recovering Perfectionist by Thien-Kim at I’m Not The Nanny
Giving Up On Perfect Single Motherhood by Laila at Only Laila
The Time I Almost Gave Up on Motherhood by Vaneese at Mommy Works A Lot
To Let Go and Let God by Jacquie at The Sweeter Side of Mommyhood
I Didn’t Want to be a Mom by Summer at The Dirty Floor Diaries
Mothering While Introverted by Diamonte at Liberated Mommy
Motherhood is About Giving Up by Jessica at A Parent In Silver Springs
Motherhood: I Give Up by Stephanie at When Crazy Meets Exhaustion
Giving Up Supposed To Be by Brandi at Mama Knows It All
Giving Up And Getting Down by Heather at Diary of A First Time Mom
Awe Joyce, I feel better just by reading you. I have two toddlers and I struggle to find energy to do things for myself. I don’t miss being single, but I would definitely like to have more free time.
Where was this post when I was about to have kids?! All of this is so true! You hardly ever hear this stuff from other moms, but it is so important to know! Thanks for posting on behalf of all future moms!
All of it is so true! I was one of THOSE people who before I had kids I vowed not to give up my days of going out, getting together with friends and having date nights with my husband, but it happened anyway. It didn’t happen all at once and even with baby #1 I was able to do those things occasionally, but now with baby #2 it makes it even more difficult. I am one of the lucky ones too, my mom used to live with us and now lives very close so we have a baby sitter that I don’t have to pay or worry about leaving my kids with. On the positive side, I don’t feel robbed of all of those things that I did before having kids. I have found that the way we go out and what we do has just changed. We may not get to go see the latest Scorsese film but we have seen the latest Disney film, or instead of going out for a steak dinner on a Saturday night, we are eating pizza at Chuckie Cheese. We are still having a good time and we are still going out, we just do it differently these days. What I do miss is the friendships! I’m not saying I don’t have friends, it’s just it’s more difficult to work on a relationship with people. I have my friends and my husband has his friends, but we are lacking in friends (who also have kids) that we can all hang out with. I can’t decide if it’s because we all have kids, or if it’s because we too are over 35 and it really is difficult to form lasting friendships at this point.
Say that! People have no idea the types of sacrifices women make for there kids! Love this article!
You are so right on! I only left my kids with a handful of people when they were little too. And honestly, I can’t remember the last time hubby and I had dinner out – just the two of us!
I just want to say thank you for keeping it real. We’ve been in this cycle for a while with the oldest at 11 and the youngest at 3. Trust me, it does get better and you are navigating fine.
TRUE TRUE TRUE! And in giving up these things, we need to be unapologetic. It’s just part of the deal! 🙂 Thanks for sharing!
I gave up going out my hubs gave up all together he doesn’t even wanna go out anymore and trying to get him off the couch…we have become so lazy and it doesn’t take much to even get out of the house and walk. Sleep….sleep laughs in our face.
The thing that no one told me about was the close friends. Right away, it became clear that my non-kid having friends had no idea what being a mother meant. I can’t blame them, I didn’t know, either. At the end of the night, though, the last thing I want to do is talk on the phone. Whoo!
I LOVE that you ask for donations when people ask why you’re not having baby #2. HA! I am a sleep deprived mom as well. 🙂
As a member of team #OneAndDone, I get very similar reactions when I tell folks that the factory is closed. “Aww, you can’t have just one.” Yes, I can. “Your daughter’s going to be so lonely.” That why she has us and toys. Lots of toys. “Having more kids is not that bad.” Are you going to pay for them and donate your sanity? No? Didn’t think so.
Yeah…baby #2 given up and gone.
I love your reply “Please contribute to my family foundation!” I will use that!
And you are right about the sleep. OMG!! I was so tired last night but my 11 month wanted to jump and crawl!
Bernetta,
People need to keep their comments to themselves.
Unless you’re going to help me pay for my child, shut the front door!
I’m about to start saying “stay out of my uterus” just to shut them up.
What a great list of posts! I’ll have to save this for some good reading over the next few days. I am definitely a proponent of being real. Moms are so hard on each other and themselves! We should face it, we are all just a mess now and then. Getting things done however we need to. Life is too short to stress so much! 🙂
lol at “Stay out of my uterus!” You don’t have t explain your choices, especially to strangers. They are not raising nor paying for your kids! lol And just b/c someone is an only child doesn’t mean they will automatically be selfish, lonely or odd! Enjoy AJ!